How to discover and remove the self-obsessed copy from your funnel pages?

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Imagine meeting a friend of yours at a high school reunion. (Let’s call him Joe)

You guys have practically lost touch since the high-school. You like each other’s posts on Facebook, but that’s pretty much the extent of friendship.

You’re really excited to catch up with Joe. But right after a few minutes of chatting, you realize that everything has changed except for one—Joe’s self-centeredness. You recall how it annoyed you then, the same way it’s bugging you right now.

You know he’s talking, but all you can hear is…“me, me, me.”
We all have a friend who is Joe. And with people like those, we wish the conversation had ended before it even started.

It will be awkward…but I have some news for you.

More often than not, your prospects feel the same.

On top of that, they are not your high school friends. They don’t have to be polite and keep listening to your narcissism. Your prospects can close the tab with a click in less than a blip of time.

Now that we’re over the awkward part, here is some good news! We can quickly fix it. Before I show you how to do it, first identify a self-obsessed copy’s elements.

Here’s a quick test to find if your copy revolves around you rather than your target audience’s interest. If you:

  • use “I/We” frequently compared to “you.”
  • have testimonials that speak more about you than how your offer solved your past client’s problems.
  • describe the features of your offer rather than its benefits
  • hope to seduce your target audience into buying with your journey so far and life philosophies on the About page/section.

…your funnel copy is self-centered. It’s screaming…“Hey, look at me!! I’M THE BEST!! I’M SO SMART!! I KNOW EVERYTHING”

Now that we know what a self-centered copy looks like, it’s time to make some changes (after all, no one wants to be a self-centered Joe):

  1. Open the preview/live link of your funnel page that you wish to improve.
  2. Press Ctrl+F (or Command + F, if you are on a mac) and search for “I” (without quotes and add a space after “I”)
  3. Note down the number of occurrences.
  4. Repeat the same for “we”, “my”, “our”, “you”, “your” and compare the numbers side by side.
  5. If the total occurrences of “I”, “we”, “our” exceeds the total of “you”/”your”, rewrite the self-centered sentences. Here are a few examples to get you started:
    We’ll give => You’ll get
    I’ll show you how => Find out how
    We only charge you $XX => Your investment would be $XX
    I hope you get the idea!

That being said, it’s time to do a quick exercise on turning features into benefits. The name of the activity is: ‘So What?’.

Before we go any further, a little disclaimer: I didn’t come up with this; I read about this concept on the internet and found it to be super cool.

Here’s how it goes: We start with a product/service feature and continue asking “So What?” until we turn it into a benefit for the client/customer. Here’s an example:

Feature: “Our vacuum cleaners are the most silent ones available on the market.”

So what?

“You can now vacuum anytime without disturbing your kids/husband/wife’s sleep.”

So what?

“Keep your house clean at your convenience without sacrificing your family’s sleep. Let them sleep sound and conquer the world when they wake up. Your home deserves less yelling and more love.”

See how that happened! Let’s try another one for the service industry:

Feature: “We design high-converting funnels.”

So what?

“That means you can earn more without spending more and make your business more attractive.”

So what?

“You can use the extra money to expand your business or take your family on vacation.”

So what?

“More family time for you, less stress about the business. We make that happen for you.”

Who doesn’t want that?

I hope you’re excited about this as I was when I first found out about this exercise.

Sometimes it’s better to have someone else ask, “So what?” to be articulate about what you say.

In conclusion, by following the tips provided in this article, you can work to remove the self-obsessed copy from your funnel pages and improve the overall effectiveness of those pages. Remember to focus on the needs of your customers and not on your own desires, and you should see a noticeable improvement in your conversion rates.


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